"Differentiation is the process by which we become more uniquely ourselves by maintaining ourselves in relationship with those we love" (David Schnarch).

 

This quote captures the essence of Bader and Pierson's model, which views differentiation as a crucial stage in a relationship where partners actively define and express their individual thoughts, feelings, and needs while remaining connected to each other. Differentiation involves a brave and ongoing effort to maintain one's authentic self within the context of the relationship.  It requires partners to tolerate differences without defensiveness and to move into their "developmental edge," fostering growth for each individual and for the couple as a whole. This process helps partners build secure attachment and mutual respect, enabling them to be stronger individually and as a team. Finding and living your authentic self is not a threat to intimacy, but the foundation of an enduring connection in your relationship that lends itself to lasting intimacy, where partners can fully be themselves without sacrificing the relationship.

​